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Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the

 

Sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror

And says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'

 

The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'

 

So, the first blonde hands her the compact.

 

The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'

 

 

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house

ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and

reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,

and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

 

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde

ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then

sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come

home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do

they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'

 

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang

At 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone,

Listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles

From here!' and hung up.

The husband said, 'Who was that?'

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know

If the coast is clear.'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SOME CHUCKLES  BY Tommy Cooper to put a smile on your face and a laugh in your heart !!   Comic genius that was Tommy Cooper! 1. Two blondes walk into a building....you'd think at least one of them would have seen it. 2. Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key... 3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.  The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts. 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but I couldn't find any. 5. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are too high. 6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in. 7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off. 8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle. 9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.  They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it. 10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. 11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.' 12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.' 13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'  'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes,  then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy'. 14. Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside.'  'How's that?' 'Don't you start.' 15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom! 16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure: you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.' 18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my Mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think it's Colin. 19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.'  The other one says 'So are you, you fat ba*tard!' 20.. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.. They charged one and let the other one off. 21. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.  They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.' 22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places' The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore' 23. Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed  into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb As digging continues into the night!

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

At the beginning of the 19th century William Fyfe, son of John Fyfe a mill and cartwright, began building fishing boats and trading craft on the foreshore at Fairlie.

An excellent craftsman, keen to build more refined sailing boats, he was advised to read Steele's Naval Architecture by a client, James Smith of Jordanhill. As a result he built his first large yacht, Lamlash in 1812. This was the year when Henry Bell launched his steam paddle ship, the Comet. Two years later William Fyfe had built Industry, a steam paddle ship commissioned by a group of businessmen from Beith. She was so successful that he was asked to build more but he declined, saying that he wanted to build sailing boats, which were "fast and bonnie".

William's boats were built in the open on the foreshore, which he rented from the Earl of Glasgow. At first there was only a sawpit and a small blacksmith's smithy.

At that time there was no demand for pleasure yachts and William handed that side of the business over to his son William when he became eighteen. The first William continued to build fishing and trading vessels but the second William had a hard time until 1849 when he built Stella and from then on the yard began to build mainly yachts.

The Industrial Revolution had given rise to an affluent class of people who turned their attention to pleasure yachts and yacht racing. The second William Fife, already in business, was in a position to benefit from this development and sudden demand for yachts. He increased the output from the yard and made the name famous wherever there was a gathering of yachts. The success of the yard was not only due to the fact that he could design beautiful and fast yachts, the villagers of Fairlie were also superb craftsmen and the two together were responsible for the reputation of Fife-built yachts.

The first and second William Fifes had natural genius, were craftsmen in their own right and knew how to get the best out of a boat when sailing. The third William Fife came to an already well-established business with a worldwide reputation.

The third William Fife had a more formal training than his father and grandfather but the spark of genius had been passed on to the third generation. In 1885 he joined his father in partnership of the yard. After his apprenticeship he had spent some time in the yard of James Fullerton of Paisley where he learned about composite construction. He was then appointed manager of the Culzean Shipbuilding Company founded by the Marquis of Ailsa. Both William Fife Senior and Willliam Fife Junior had shares in the company.

The second William Fife died in 1902 and by this time the yard took up a large part of the foreshore and was fully under cover. There was acetylene lighting, woodworking machinery, lead founding, brass founding and iron founding. Instead of importing American hollow spars the yard made their own.

The third William Fife is probably the most famous of them all and is remembered for his designs for Sir Thomas Lipton's America's Cup challengers Shamrock I and Shamrock III and the 23Metre Shamrock, his designs for the metre classes especially the 6Metres, various one-design classes, many beautiful cruising yachts and ocean racers. He died in 1944 and his nephew Robert Balderston sold the business after the Second World War.

IFYOU WOULD LIKE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT ABOUT THE SHIPS THAT TOOK PART IN THE RACE THEN I HAVE INCLUDED A LINK TO THE WEBSITE BELOW

JUST CLICK ON IT OR COPY IT AND PASTE IT INTO YOUR WEB BROWSER   .........   http://www.fiferegatta.com/history.htm

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

Things Got Ya Down? 

Well Then, Consider These . .  
............................. 
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, 
regardless of their medical condition.  

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve 
the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 am Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.  

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 am., all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. 

Just when the clock struck 11:00 , Pookie Johnson, the part- time Sunday sweeper , entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner. 

Still Having a Bad Day???? 

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00.  At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. 

A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day???? 

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. 

Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman. 

Are Ya OK Now? - No?
Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.  

The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?? STILL having a Bad Day???? 

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it.

Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. God is Good!

There now, Feeling Better ?