Last Great Ocean Liner

Q E 2 Returns to the river Clyde

 5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson 1:
 A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
 shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
 towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, 
the next-door neighbour.

 Before she! says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, "
 After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands 
naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and  leaves.
 The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she
 gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" 

 "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.

 "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes  me?"

 Moral of the story: 
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
 your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
 avoidable exposure.

  Lesson 2:
 A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to 
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie
 comes out.

 The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

 "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the 
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
 Puff! She's gone.

 "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,
 relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of 
Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
 Puff! He's gone.
 "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." 

Moral of the story:
 Always let your boss have the first say.
 

Lesson 3

 An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit
 saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" 

The eagle answered: " Sure , why not."
 So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
 All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. 
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

 Lesson 4

 A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to 
 the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

 "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
 bull. "They're packed with nutrients." ! 
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
 enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day,
after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally
after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the
 tree.
 He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
 Moral of the story:
 Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there. 

  Lesson 5

 A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird
 froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying
 there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. 
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
 realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay
 there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
 Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
 dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

 Morals of the story:
 (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
 (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut! 


THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE